Have you ever heard of “breadcrumbing” and do you know why it is so toxic?
“Breadcrumbing” is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you around but the relationship never progresses to the next level.
You can never let your guard down and trust that you can rely on him, he is not committed to you and rarely available when you need him.
Why is breadcrumbing so toxic?
Because when you accept breadcrumbs from a man you are giving away your valuable energy, your personal power and preventing yourself from having the committed relationship that you want.
Not only that but when you accept breadcrumbs, you are positioning yourself as less desirable.
I have spoken to many women who say “our relationship is amazing when we are together but awful when we are apart”.
A happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship feels good when you’re apart too.
When you’re in a breadcrumbing situation you are always uncertain about the status of the relationship.
Will see him this weekend?
Will he be your date for the wedding?
Are you exclusive or not?
Will it ever evolve into a “real” relationship?
What makes breadcrumbing relationships so difficult is the hope and uncertainty.
- You hope that maybe all these circumstances that keep him from spending more time with you will change.
- You hope his job will get easier, his family situation will improve… whatever it is.
- You hope that if you just spent a little more time together he’d want to be with you- full time.
And because you’re uncertain about him and you don’t know where you stand, you expend alot of energy thinking the relationship!
And let’s be honest, much of the time the uncertainty is causing you anxiety.
- You’re uncertain if he is going to call.
- You’re uncertain when you are going to see him again.
- You’re uncertain if this relationship will ever move forward.
You don’t know what to say or what to do to improve the situation and you don’t want to let him go because you think there may be real relationship potential here.
And what if you don’t find anyone else who makes you feel like he does?
The weirdest thing about this trend is that the second you start to move on and let go, inevitably he calls you!
Do you know why?
Because when a man is breadcrumbing you even though you may not be spending much time together he is getting the benefit of your energy. While you are left feelng anxious and drained.
So accepting breadcrumbs is definitely not a situation you want to be in.
I would love to hear if you have ever been in a breadcrumbing situation and what did you do about it?
Simply reply to this email. I’d love to hear your “breadcrumbing” story.
There are 3 reasons men “breadcrumb” when dating
- Breadcrumbing is unintentional. He has no idea what you really want and need, especially if you are just dropping hints or not being direct about what you want. He may even think you are happy with the way things are.
- He is selfish and is not thinking about or doesn’t care how his behavior is affecting you or wants to keep you around and still be single.
- He is unsure about he feels about you and not sure if he wants to be in a relationship with you.
How do you know the reason?
His action will tell you.
Pick 1 specific thing you’d like him to do that would make you happy and ask for it.
If he is unintentionally breadcrumbing you, he will make the effort.
If he is on the fence he may also make the effort. When you start to value your emotional needs and your time and by requiring him to make more of an effort to make you happy; it will also motivate him to start to value you more.
If he is selfish he may either gaslight you or ghost you. You will rarely get an honest and direct response from this person.
Stay tuned to learn more about gaslighting, a toxic dating trend but also a communication style used by many selfish people and narcissists to avoid personal responsibility.
This is the start of the toxic dating trend series. Over the next few weeks I will write about the other 3 most common dating trends, gaslighting, ghosting and lovebombing.