You may have noticed that something seems to have changed between men and women, but you probably aren’t sure exactly what it is.
There is no doubt that not only has the world evolved tremendously in the past 50 years but so have the relationships between men and women.
The divorce rate is at an all time high of 50% for first marriages.
Twice the number of people are choosing to stay single.
AND women make 80% of the buying decisions today!
So how does this affect your ability to find a fulfilling and lasting relationship?
Well let me tell you how!
A male friend of mine recently became single after years of being in a long term relationship. He was really nervous about being single again and was worried he would never find true love – yes, men worry about this too!
In his newly single life, he had his first night out. To his total surprise he found himself “aggressively pursued by at least ten women”. He was incredibly flattered and also totally amazed. Relatively quickly he became involved with a woman who seemed to have it all together. She was professional, pretty, smart and had a successful career. But immediately after they became intimate, she began to call him non- stop, posting hourly on his facebook wall, blogging about him, tagging him in photos. He could not believe it!
Another male friend of mine, recently shared with me that he has been stalked by several women he dated. He had to call the police on two occasions. He lamented- these women seemed so nice and normal on the phone and in early dates. How could he know they would become so aggressive?
Both these men are charismatic, intelligent, educated and successful. They are also genuinely looking for a partner to share their lives with.
So what the heck is going on?
In the past, men were the pursuers and women were pursued. A man was incredibly lucky and had to work very hard for a first kiss, and had to court and woo a women to get her hand in marriage. Not to mention receive the approval of her parents and the community.
Today women have so many more opportunities in life, including the ability to pursue anything you want. And in many cases, this has mentality spilled over into the area of men and relationships as well.
Not only that, but standards and expectations of conduct have changed. Women don’t necessarily expect men to pay on dates, are not so concerned about being “a nice girl” and have no hesitation asking a man out on a date. And why would the man pick up the tab if the women asked him out?
In fact in many cases ‘hooking up and hanging out” is the new method of dating.
A man can be great with sweet words, compliments and know how to connect emotionally with a woman. They can be pretty comfortable with intimacy.
And their dating technique may be to put out signals for the woman to respond to like – “meet me here” or “call me anytime”.
But they may not necessarily TAKE ACTION to be the pursuer.
Instead, they put out the bait and wait for the woman to bite. Because many times she will!
Hmmm…
So what is the outcome of this dynamic?
Well underneath it all, men and women have not evolved that much. Even if this hooking up and hanging out method of dating does actually evolve into a relationship, neither party ends up very satisfied.
The woman suddenly wants the man to start acting like a man and feels resentful and over extended, and the man starts to feel dissatisfied by demands he did not really feel he “signed up for”.
And what about the stalking behavior? Well obviously stalking is pretty extreme, but many times when a woman feels a connection with a man and he says a lot of sweet things to her but doesn’t take action or worse seems to withdraw, it makes her feel a little crazy. No matter how well adjusted she is.
So what is the solution?
If you want a man in your life who will show up for you, set high standards for yourself and your conduct.
Remember actions speak louder than words. Does he do what he says he is going to do? If he says he is going to call, let him be the one to call.
Don’t become attached to a particular man, be attached to the relationship you want. Either he will step up and show up for you in the relationship you require or he won’t.
Did you ever hear the expression “you made me a better man”?
Pursuing, compromising and chasing a man does make him want to be better.
Loving yourself, setting a high standard of behavior for yourself, and being willing to let a man go if he is not that interested in a loving committed relationship is the way to create a True Love relationship.
And trusting and knowing that your true love is on the way. If this particular man is the One, he will show up for you. If he doesn’t, then he is not The One. Let him go and create space for your true love to come into your life!