Let’s be real… Dating can be nerve racking.
It is disappointing when someone thought you might like turns out to be well… not so great.
But when you actually like someone and they don’t call- that can be downright painful
Let’s face it- waiting by the phone is anxiety provoking.
You can’t help but feel a little rejected and wonder “what did I do wrong”?
Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. There can be any number of reasons that someone does not call that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
But let’s be honest, if it happens more than once- you probably have some room for improvement!
Let’s look at Alicia’s most recent dating debacle. Alicia made it a point to attend holiday parties this year so she could meet new people. And guess what happened? She met a man at a party who she really liked. And he was very interested in her. He asked her immediately for her phone number and told her he would call her after the holidays to set up a date. Sure enough, he called and they went out to dinner. After dinner he said he would call again. Two weeks went by and no call.
When I asked her about the date she said it was nice. I asked if they had fun and she said, it was ok, but she was not sure they had very much in common.
But you liked this guy I asked. She said sadly, yes she did.
The truth is they have a lot in common, they share many of the same interests, hobbies and pasts times. And their lifestyles are similar. So what went wrong?
Here are Six Tips to Have a Successful Date and Ensure that You Get a Second.
- Stay in the Present Not the Future. The first date is not a job interview!! Is he marriage material should not even enter your mind. The only thing you want to think about on a first date is, “Do I want a second date?” and “Can I see myself kissing him.
- Be a Good Host. Have you ever heard the expression “self-consciousness is a form of selfishness”? Go out of your way to help your date feel comfortable and at ease. Focus on helping him to have a good time instead of relying on him to entertain you.
- Stay in the Present, Not the Past. Dishing about your ex’s finer qualities or shortcomings or worse the relationship fallout is not good first date material. No ex-talk on the first date allowed!
- Be a Good Listener. Pay attention to your date, ask open ended questions. Get him to talk about something he loves and is passionate about.
- Flirt and Have Fun. Smile and laugh at his jokes. Make eye contact and shyly look away. Playfully touch his knee or arm. Compliment him on something genuine that you like about him. Flirting does not mean being sexually suggestive. It is about creating attraction and chemistry between the two of you.
- Be Polite. Use good manners. Be a lady. And always thank him for dinner, coffee etc. A nice, brief thank you text or email the next day thanking him for dinner and saying you had fun is always appreciated.
What Alicia realized was that when she met her date at the party she was flirting and having fun. The second she went on the date, she became standoffish and distant. She was waiting for him to entertain her! Fortunately she was able to get a second chance and the second date they had a lot of fun! And guess, what he did call her again!
I have had many clients who did not have successful first dates and ended up becoming engaged to that person! They all said things like, I don’t think we have a lot in common or I am not sure he was interested. But the truth is they were not doing their part to make the date a success!
Take responsibility for your role in ensuring a successful date. Focus on having a good time instead of your relationship goals!
I guarantee you, you will get that second date!