Do you really need to date more than one man at a time while looking for the one?
I hear this question from a lot of women and they say that they don’t want to casually date and they definitely don’t want to have to date more than one man at a time.
I get it, you’re busy, you want a relationship, it feels like game playing, it seems easier to focus on the one relationship with the man you really like.
Well of course you don’t have to date more than one man to have the relationship you want, but it sure helps to avoid one of the biggest pitfalls of dating- ghosting and having the man pull away when it starts to get serious.
I just watched the Netflix movie Set It Up. The movie is about Harper a 25-year-old assistant to Kirsten, the editor of an online sports journalism empire and Charlie the 28-year-old assistant to Rick, a venture capitalist.
Harper and Charlie work together to set up Kirsten and Rick so that they too can have a love life.
As Harper and Charlie spend time orchestrating the relationship between their bosses, Harper finally has time to date and she meets a guy she really likes.
After a few dates she sleeps with him and Charlie notices that she’s checking her text messages a bit too regularly and texting him back with too much enthusiasm.
He tells her “if you really like a guy you’ll go out with three other guys this week”.
Kirsten says that’s ridiculous, why would I do that?
He tells her a salamander story that you’ll have to watch the movie to hear but it is a funny and good analogy about men.
Then he says “men are like salamanders, if you put too much focus on them they sense it and you’ll accidentally kill the relationship.”
Sure enough, Harper’s new guy disappears and stands her up for her BFF’s engagement party.
As she checking her phone and feeling really upset, she tells Charlie “I slept with him, I don’t really do that but he was perfect”.
Charlie tells her “screw him you need to play hard to get”.
Now I don’t buy into “The Rules” or “playing hard to get” but you do need to manage your energy when you’re dating a man, particularly if you think there is relationship potential.
You don’t want to be the one who is always leading the relationship, who is waiting for him to call and who always wants more in the relationship than he’s willing to give.
If you’ve had the experience of a man being really into you, pursuing you only to start to back away the second you fall for him it’s because of this salamander dynamic.
So how do you find lasting love? Do you have to play hard to get to make it last?
No, but the way you are able to have the commitment you want with a man who wants to be with you and make you a priority is by developing a real bond and true friendship.
As Kirsten’s BFF says in her engagement toast: “you like because and you love despite- you like someone for all their qualities and you love someone despite them”.
She tells her fiancée “I like you almost as much as I love you”.
When you casually date a man you create the space to get to know each other’s true qualities.
You create a bond through shared activities and getting to know each other without being so goal oriented which puts too much pressure on the relationship. And, like the salamander will eventually kill it.
Not only that but men like to casually date so it pays to get good at it yourself!
So yes, unless you are really good at taking it slow, emotionally and physically, dating more than one man is a great way to keep the relationship casual and get to know someone without getting too intense too fast and killing the relationship before it really gets started.PS. Are you tired of attracting the wrong men or no men at all?
I HAVE A QUESTION:
Are you ready to meet your true love?
If you’re tired of meeting the wrong men,
If you don’t want to waste any more time in a relationship that’s not going anywhere,
And if you never want to have your heart broken again-
I can help!
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